Is it obvious I've not done this before?

Ava was raised by daycare when she was younger. At least, that is how I"m feeling because caring for Tess...I feel like a first time parent! She is in to EVERYTHING that can make a mess, make a stain, cause a break, or make herself sick.

Yesterday, she ate Ava's silly putty thinking it was candy. Today she drank from the bottle of bubble solution and started throwing up everywhere.

I think my kids might be better off at daycare than they are with me some days. At least, Ava always came home without a note on her sheet about having to call Poison Control 2 days in a row...

My funny girl

The scene: Our dinner tableThe meal: Chicken with stuffing and corn.

Ava: I don’t wanna eat anymore.
Me: Ava, you HAVE to eat.
Ava: This chicken tastes like trash!

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The scene: The kitchen as I was cleaning up earlier today.

Ava: Why don’t you ever do the dishes?

Me: Why don’t you ever clean up your toys?

Ava: Touche.

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The scene: Venice Pizza, in Coatesville. We were waiting for our pizza, looking through one of those homes-for-sale magazines. I told Ava I was sure I could find a house from our neighborhood in there. I found one, it looks just like ours.

Ava: *panic and the start of tears* I don’t want to move! Why are you selling my house? *crying*

I calmed her down and explained, and we’re cool now.

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The scene: The TV room, around 1am this morning. Tim was watching Ghost Hunters, and Ava came downstairs, all sleepy and demanded that he come to bed. He said he wanted to finish his drink, and she wanted to sit with him while he did. He said fine, and went to turn off Ghost Hunters - it was recorded on our DVR. So he stopped the show, and you know how a lot of cable channels turn to porn after midnight? Yeah, so porn popped on! He flipped it as quickly as he could, but the next channel had a show with graphic violence. He said he had to flip like 3 or 4 more times before he finally got The Princess Bride, and breathed a sigh of relief.
I told him that he should have just left Ghost Hunters on, instead of introducing her to porn and violence.

WTG Dad. WTG.

Are you missing any remote controls?

Because it is entirely possible that you have been burglarized by the Remote Fairy.

And watch out: She's naked.

I didn't WANT to burn down our house...

...but I kinda almost did.

When I'm working in the basement (my studio and office) I need the space heater on. I finished up some computer work, and went to take a shower, figuring I'd be back down afterwards because Ava wanted to play with her trains.

Well, Mom called and invited us over for dinner, so after the shower the girls and I got ready and left the house. I got about half a mile away and realized I'd left the space heater on. It is an oil one, not a hot-coil one, so not really dangerous, but it was placed pretty much partially under my work table, which is from Ikea (read: compressed cardboard and plastic), covered in fabric, and the fabric was sprayed with Scotchguard. So yeah, I was kind of worried.

I turned around to head back home, and of course Ava asked what I was doing. I took it as a moment to keep educating her on fire safety, that what Mommy did was wrong and I need to be more careful, and that it isn't safe to leave things like that on or our house could burn down.

So I pulled in to the garage, grabbed my keys and went to unlock the inner door (the one that leads in to the house). Yeah, my house key wasn't there. Oh yeah, that's right - I took Tim's car the other day, and put my housekey on my personal set of Tim's car keys....and never put it back on my van keychain.

So now I'm locked out of my house, with an Ikea-brand timebomb about to possibly go off and engulf my home in flames.

Yay, Chrissie, nice one!

Ok, don't panic - call Tim. Problem: cell phone battery is having problems holding a charge.
Great. So I have to drive to the nearest pay phone (which are getting to be fairly rare!). In response to her questions, I told Ava what was going on....which she took to mean that our house was about 2 seconds from burning down. She was a MESS - sobbing, crying, huge tears. I felt so aweful.

I got ahold of Tim (and told him to call my Mom and tell her I would be late), he met me halfway between our house and his work and gave me his key. So then I had to drive back home, go in and turn off the space heater, and FINALLY be on my way to my Mom's house. Since I was alreayd going to be an hour and a half late for dinner, I figured I'd stop for some DQ therapy.

So, we're all safe and sound, and not crispy and siting around in ashes.

I'm putting this story right up with finding my cell phone in the microwave.

Ava and her infomercials

Ah, there is nothing like mother/daughter bonding over a shared and loved interest.

Infomercials.

The George Forman grill, in all of its many models. Ron Popeil and his magnificent Rotisserie and Pasta Maker. The coux de etat of the rotisserie, of course - the Flavor Injector. The Betty Crocker Cake Decorating Set.

And Ava's newest love - the CraftLite Cutter.

Tonight, Ava made me fill with pride and giggles when she proclaimed like a seassoned infomercial sidekick:

"Mom! You know the CraftLite Cutter?? It has a swing-out ruler!"

My cup overfloweth with pride.

Ancestry, by Ava

Me: "Ava, I'm trying to convince Daddy to let us take a trip to New York to visit my Grandma."

Ava: "Wow!"

Me: "Yeah, she's never even met you or Tessie!"

Ava: "Is she black?"

Me: "What? Black? Like, is she a black person?"

Ava: "Yeah. With a brown face."

Me: "Um, no... Um, what made you ask that?"

Ava: "I don't know. I just fig-erd."

2 Cups? Really? No.

Something that has bugged me in all of my coffee-drinking years:

When trying to make enough coffee to fill one regular sized mug, you must use "2 cups" of water, as marked on the coffee maker.

No one ever makes coffee and only uses "1 cup" of water and half a tablespoon of coffee grounds, do they? Why don't they just change it from marking the pot in 2 cup divisions can call it "1 mug". Then, people will be able to make coffee with less confusion.

"Ok, here...the directions say to fill the water thingy to 2 cups for every tablespoon....well, there are 4 of us, so I guess I'll do 4 cups and 2 tablespoons."

*10 minutes later.*

"WTF? There is only enough coffee here for 2 people!"

See what I mean? It could have gone like this:

"Ok, it says to fill it to "1 mug" of water and use 1 tablespoon of coffee grounds. There are 4 of us, so I'll fill to "4 mugs' of water and use 4 tablespoons of coffee."

*10 minutes later.*

"Perfect! 4 mugs of coffee really DOES make enough for 4 mugs of coffee!"

Next up, I tackle world peace.