Ancestry, by Ava

Me: "Ava, I'm trying to convince Daddy to let us take a trip to New York to visit my Grandma."

Ava: "Wow!"

Me: "Yeah, she's never even met you or Tessie!"

Ava: "Is she black?"

Me: "What? Black? Like, is she a black person?"

Ava: "Yeah. With a brown face."

Me: "Um, no... Um, what made you ask that?"

Ava: "I don't know. I just fig-erd."

2 Cups? Really? No.

Something that has bugged me in all of my coffee-drinking years:

When trying to make enough coffee to fill one regular sized mug, you must use "2 cups" of water, as marked on the coffee maker.

No one ever makes coffee and only uses "1 cup" of water and half a tablespoon of coffee grounds, do they? Why don't they just change it from marking the pot in 2 cup divisions can call it "1 mug". Then, people will be able to make coffee with less confusion.

"Ok, here...the directions say to fill the water thingy to 2 cups for every tablespoon....well, there are 4 of us, so I guess I'll do 4 cups and 2 tablespoons."

*10 minutes later.*

"WTF? There is only enough coffee here for 2 people!"

See what I mean? It could have gone like this:

"Ok, it says to fill it to "1 mug" of water and use 1 tablespoon of coffee grounds. There are 4 of us, so I'll fill to "4 mugs' of water and use 4 tablespoons of coffee."

*10 minutes later.*

"Perfect! 4 mugs of coffee really DOES make enough for 4 mugs of coffee!"

Next up, I tackle world peace.

5 things I learned about myself tonight.

Tonight I have learned a few things about myself, and thought I'd share...

1. Three bowls of ice cream is apparently my limit.

2. My husband loves me A LOT, because I called him on his way home from work to ask him to stop at the grocery store (which means walking in the freezing cold from his car to the store and back again), to buy me the ice cream.

3. I acknowledge that some people don't think that eating ice cream when it is 31 degrees outside is strange....but I accept that I am strange. My family has been telling me that my whole life, and I embrace it.

4. Ok fine, they say I'm "weird" but I think strange is just fine for a synonym.

5. My tummy hurts. :-(

America's Psychic Challenge

I am LOVING this show.

It is on Lifetime - guys, don't be scared - and it rocks! There are 4 competing psychics, and they go through different challenges to see who is the best psychic.

This one chick tonight is SO off on like EVERY CHALLENGE. It cracks me up how wrong she constantly is. I'm sure she's the one who is being eliminated tonight (listen to me - I act like I watch this all the time, but this is the first time I've seen it). The one I'm watching is episode 3, so it isn't too late to get in to it - score!

Fridays at 10pm people Watch it. I'm loving it. I LOVE when people are wrong. Nothing is more funny than a shitty psychic being wrong.

I'm old.

I was watching "Pushing Daisies" just now on ABC (Wednesday nights at 8pm - check it out). I was thinking that the main character, Ned, is cute, and reminds me of John Cusack (love of my life, besides my husband).

I looked him up on imdb. He's only a year older than I am.

I'm old.

He's a man, not a "guy". Like, I picture him with a wife and kids. Then it hits me - of COURSE he could be so close to my age. I have a husband and kids. Suddenly it hit me again that I'm older in years than I will mentally admit to.

I'm scheduling my brow lift ASAP.

Justifiable Homicide, right?

Talking to my husband last night...

Me: "Did you hear what I said?"

Tim: "Sorry, I was distrated....you're eye's all f---ed up."

(I have a small stye on my eyelid, and it's healing - not even noticible today)

He's lucky I love him, and we are having a great time talking tonight, or I would kill him. But it would totally be justifiable homicide.(I am laughing as I post this - I'm not really mad at him. He was just being silly and made an "oh! gotcha!" face after he said it)

Why I Hate Shoe Shopping

I'm not a "real girl" I guess, because I detest shoe shopping. I'd rather have kangaroos kick me in the stomache for an hour than go shoe shopping.

Why? Let me introduce you to my size 9.5 Wide - 10 feet. The feet that make all shoes look ridiculous, stump shoe store workers as they try to find such a size in the back room in the desired shoe. It is nearly guaranteed that any and all really cute shoes will look hideous on me, if they will even fit.

I console myself with the knowledge that Julia Roberts has big feet too. But she also has tons of money so she can have any shoe she wants.

Anyway, yesterday was the Great Dress, Shoe, and Handbag Hunt of '07 at Exton Mall, sponsored by our bank account. After 6 hours at the mall, I had a dress, new facewash, Ava had a Barbie, Tess had a little Winnie the Pooh doll and a tiny Tickle Me Elmo keychain that laughs, and we'd all had lunch.

Shoes? I checked every place in the mall that sold shoes. In Macy's, I had the best luck, and the worst luck. I found SEVERAL great looking pairs of silver strappy shoes. Then I had to find the salesman, because he left me sitting in my chair for 15 minutes (I'm not exaggerating) before I went to the back and asked him for my shoes. He brought out one box of 9's and said they were the largest for that shoe, then another box marked 9.5 of a different shoe, which actually contained a pair of 8.5's. So I waited for him to come back out...and waited...and waited...and had to go get him from the back again, armed with a few more shoes for him to locate. Another 15 minutes later another woman and I went to the back together to find him, and had to call for him several times before he returned. He helped her first, while I waited and waited...20 minutes later he informed me that the 3 shoes I gave to him in Round 2 were not carried in my size.

I could have cried, hit him, and yelled at everyone in Macy's.

By now you might wonder why I waited so much, and didn't just leave. Well, I was surrounded by several shoe designs that would have looked great with the dress I bought - it seemed to be in my best interest to wait and grab any of the shoes that came in a 9.5. Little did I know that after almost an hour I'd be angry and shoeless.

Last ditch effort: Rack Room Shoes - Tim pulled the van up to the curb, I ran into the store, and within 5 minutes I was back in the van with an awesome pair of shoes. Glad I wasted several hours and curse words at the mall, when it was that easy in the end.

Now, handbag? No go. I will go handbagless to dinner - that is why men's pants have pockets....so they can carry our stuff. :-)