Letters from the Editor

Dear Tess,
That one smells NASTY. Change it yourself, please.
Love,
Mommy
P.S....Please sleep tonight...Mommy needs more then 3.5 hours of sleep per night to consciously care for you and your sister.
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Dear Sophie (cat),
That was MY Wild Cherry Pepsi, you furry brat.
Love,
Mom
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Dear Ava,
"Stay on the deck!" does not mean "Run to the neighbor's yard the second I turn around to grab a napkin."
Love,
Mommy
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Dear Chrissie,
Clean the toilet, do some laundry, and make dinner.
Love,
.....your other personality....

Faulty List Reading

Two times, I've gone for groceries in the past week.

Two times, I've taken a list.

Two times, I've spent a good amount of time at the store, buying what is on the list, plus about $70 worth of "other stuff."

Two times, I've looked at the list and said "Ok, that's it! All done!"

Two times, I've gotten home and realized that I forgot to buy the thing that was the real reason for going to the store in the first place!!!!

The other day, it was carpet spot remover. I bought that today though.

Today, we desperately need toothpaste (Children's Disney Princess Toothpaste...not cutting it....), and it was on my list, and I forgot to get it!

I'm such a doof.

Howdy, there, neighbor!

I fell in front of the house today, and went down in a blaze of glory. I'm sure people saw me from their windows.

I tripped over one of those pipe-things that sticks out of the grass, and totally went down in an amazing display of slow-motion clumsiness.

It was sufficiently painful, but for a good cause. One of Ava's sidewalk chalks was rolling, heading toward the road, and I was trying to stop Ava before she herself got to the road. My Homer Simpson-esque "Doh!" as I sailed through the air and subsequently crumpled on the sidewalk in all my undone-hair glory was spectacular, and was enough to stop Ava in her tracks.

Kudos to me, kudos to me.

TMI, perhaps. But whatever.

On a cloudy day, after a night of no sleep, when one child is napping and the other isn't screaming at me....

..... there is nothing like the feel of freshly shaven legs after a not-so-brief leg-shaving-hiatus.

Mmmm. So nice.

Rules of Throwning Up.

Rule #1: Never throw up in, around, or on anything that is easy to clean.

(This is especially to be followed by children.)

Apparently the universe thought I needed some excitement this morning when I attempted to drop Ava off at daycare this morning. She was happy and fine the whoooooollllllleeeeee way there. Then I opened her door, reached for her car seat buckle, and......BLECHHHHHHHHH, 3 or 4 times.

Thankfully I had an entire tub of baby wipes there, AND an extra set of clothing (yay me for being a lazy slob and leaving her change of clothes in the van from last Monday)(sorry for the second set of parenthetical text, but I wanted to explain that on Monday nights we do the Bedtime Story Time at the library, where the kids wear their pjs - so Ava gets changed in the van, and that is why she had extra clothes in there. Ok, back to the story).

But the car seat? Ohhhhh not so easy to clean with baby wipes! I did the best I could, but poor Ava still had to be strapped back in to a vomity-smelling seat for the 25 minute ride home. She didn't notice - she passed out cold.

When she woke up, she said that her "neck" hurt, meaning her throat. Before we'd pulled away from daycare the director said that she herself had woken up yesterday throwing up, and later in the day developed strep throat, and that a few other kids at daycare came down with it in the past week.

Ava's up eating dinner (soup, of course) after resting all day on the couch, and she said she feels fine. She has a fever, but it isn't too high.

Thanks for reading a story about vomit. I'm sure it made your day.

I have disobeyed all rules of fashion.

I admitted to Kylene today that I actually have "good sweatpants".

GOOD SWEATPANTS.

If I'm not being clear here, what I mean is that I actually have sweatpants that aren't just for wearing at home.

I need a 12 step program.

I need some new clothes, or I'm never going to be able to photograph people. They'll expect me to not be in my pajamas when they show up for a session, most likely, and right now I can't promise anything.

It will never be enough, will it??

It will never be enough, will it??

Pfaltzgraff....you bastards.

Stop sending me coupon codes. It is like handing an alcoholic a free beer, enticing him/her to try it...then try a little more....until suddently they have $500 worth of "Naturewood" items in their home, and dance in A.C. Moore when you see planters for sale that feature the same pattern. I mean, until they're drunk. Whatever. Mixed metaphors are bitchin'.

Ok, I'm done. I'm going to finish eating my salmon pinwheels off of my Naturewood Dinner plate (MSRP $7.99 each) with my Pfaltzgraff Evening Sun flatware collection fork (MSRP $3.00 each).